I have written around 10 “About” sections.
I wrote the original message before I started working on this archive, a guiding thesis I suppose. How I feel on the other side, having finished the archive, is very different.
There is a part of me that I give up to what is around me.
The most sacred part.
I give my art this, I give my work this, and I give my relationships this. I give my everything.
I assume this is due to and the cause of my struggle with balance. I understand that this guarantees success, but the cost is typically everything else.
I’m working on this.
Originally, I started this as an exercise to unjam my receiver. I was afraid I was being penalized for ignoring the signal sent to me since birth. I had never strayed away from processing and sending the signal back out. I was not being penalized, but I was right, by the way.
The receiver unjammed right away. The first thing I saw was a rapid flash of what my life was and had been up to this point. Everyone I have seen and heard, all of the choices I made and the songs that I sang. That was followed by a bright light that grew with intensity. I couldn't breathe. For a moment you are allowed to choose between proceeding forward and risking all you know, or returning to a time before you knew of this choice. I was ready. There was never a true probability that I would choose the former anyways. What have I found on the other side of the bright flash? Something I carried with me my entire life, so preciously. Something I had not seen for quite some time. Something that could make me cry; Myself. This time with indefinite possibilities, not to be affected by anything or anyone. When you are bright, as we all are, much works toward taking this away. That bright light is to be preserved, healed, and maintained. There is little to no room for it as we grow older. It reads to all as absurdity and abnormality and that begins to convince us of it as well. Which is ironic, given we were equipped with this to begin with. Without this we are immobilized, de-motivated, and without the purest form of love. Read about it as you wish, this state is one all writers have discussed. I feel like a gift has fallen on me as a feather would. Lucky, because as it turns out, I am still in here. Which must mean you are all still in there as well.
The idea is that you forget that; that you allow to be made immobilized. Now is more precious of a moment than ever to find that part of you again. That on its own is contrarian now.
I am on the other side now. Still learning and far from the idealistic vision I see for myself and the world around me. However, the driving force is back to what it used to be.
Making this archive is more a duty to myself now than something I felt necessary. I miss everyone and am looking forward to seeing you again soon.
Thank you to everyone who has played a role in Synadrace. You all mean more to me than I express.
Synadrace can’t exist without you.
But you already knew that...
- Andres Monroy